Here She Is!

We had our ultrasound yesterday and found out that we have a baby girl on the way.  Here are her first pics:

We're not sure if she was smiling for her first photo shoot, but she was certainly looking right at the camera.

This one we call "alien baby".  

I wish I could say that we went in to this appointment with great joy and excitement...but at the end of last week I got a call that said that some test results came back and they had some concerns.  My blood work (quad screen) came back testing very high for a possibility of a Down syndrome.  I won't go into all the details, but it left us in a place I know many of you have been before, somewhere vacillating dramatically between trying to trust God and teetering on the verge of freaking out...several times a day.  It seemed like a very long but yet short week...I was so tired but at the same time I was wishing the appointment would never come if it meant we were going to get "bad news".  By the time the appointment came around, I was surprisingly  more at peace than a couple days before, resolved to take whatever God had planned, knowing beyond a doubt that this child is a gift from Him.  The funny thing is that we don't have any more real answers than when we went in...just more info. and statistics and numbers and probabilities...enough to make your head spin.  Everything looked fine on the ultrasound, but that is only a screen, it can't tell you everything.  They really couldn't say that meant that the test results were wrong, or that everything would be fine.  I just wanted to know for sure, just as every parent would, even without these kinds of reports.  It's funny how one event can make things you've heard said a thousand times mean so much more.  "Only God knows."  He not only knows, but he created this little one!  He is  literally knitting her together in my womb.  How can I not trust that he knows what is best for her and for us?  I feel more relieved knowing things look good so far...and I am glad to not feel tormented by this, but at the same time I found myself pleading with God 2 days ago...asking for a word...telling him how much I needed Him.  And here I am feeling better and yet not so desperate to trust Him.  How easily circumstances can make us feel more or less inclined to trust God.  I am a fool if I think I am not desperate without Him!

Familiar verse but how it has been echoing over and over in my head:

"TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding.  In ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE Him and will direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5&6