Not Me Monday is Not Me Everyday of My Life

Not Me Monday is almost over and I really don't want to write this but I feel I must.  Perhaps in a few years I will be able to look back upon this and see how far I've come (however, I have a feeling based on the events of my life thus far, that this will not be the case).  Most people's posts seem to be about how they cut corners in their parenting...and I must admit there are those incidents throughout my week, but I really cannot blame most of the things I am about to confess (or NOT) on the addition of a child to my life.  My life has always been chock-full-o-things I really wished had not happened.  My mind is wired differently, my priorities are different, I often take short cuts even when I know there is probably a better way, but most often it seems that I am in the midst of a perfect storm of destructive forces.  So here is a recap of a week of things that I really wish never happened.

I did NOT leave the burner on low after moving the pot of spaghetti sauce to the warming burner.  And then I did NOT proceed to put the tray for the highchair on the stove where it was waiting to be washed.  I did NOT walk out into the kitchen after a couple of hours and say out loud  (half expecting that my husband was doing some electrical work in the other room, or something like that...)"What is that smell? It smells like burning plastic.", only to find out that it indeed was burning plastic.   The damages: a hole burnt into the plastic of the tray and orange plastic melting on the stovetop.

Good thing that didn't happen, that would have been messy (both for the stove and as you'll soon see, for my personal well being).  I'll tell you what though, if that had happened, I'm certain that my husband would have come into the kitchen and given me a look like "How do you ruin everything we own?".  And I'm sure that if he had looked at me like that I would have returned a look like "Why do you look at me like that?  I didn't MEAN to do it." but really I'd be asking myself the same question "HOW??? do you ruin EVERYTHING???".  It's a good thing none of this happened because then I might have been feeling bad for myself for a couple days and then used the seething coals of my self-absorption to fuel a "disagreement" with my husband later in the week...which I am not sure exactly what it was about but it probably had to do with me breaking something...

Now let's just say there was an actual difference opinion during the week in which I perhaps had slightly overreacted (so unlike me...) and then let's just pretend for a moment that despite my childlike behavior my husband came home carrying a 20 oz. Starbucks latte as a bit of a peace offering, the proverbial olive-branch, if you will (or more likely because he is way more mature that I am and is just nice like that all the time).  And say I was just thinking of ways that I could perhaps be more mindful and careful in my everyday life.  Carrying this possible situation further...let's imagine that I took that $5 latte and carefully set it on the counter away from all possible danger and damage and then leaned back against the counter two feet away from where I set the coffee and then proceeded to witness a chain reaction of epic proportions that ended with milk and espresso covering (what seemed like) 1/3 of the kitchen...I'm not even kidding.  If you are still imaging that something like this could happen, you should picture that when I leaned on the counter it shifted the dish drainer just enough to loosen the grip the cutting board had on the counter while it was precariously oh so carefully balanced against the cookie sheet holding it in place. The cookie sheet then slides down the counter and knocks over the FULL cup of steamy coffee goodness.  Not a drop left...every drop was now on the counter, on the floor, on the space heater and, in true Shauna fashion, dripping into every crevice of the already non-functioning dishwasher. (Hopefully the broken dishwasher was not my doing, but it hasn't been disproven yet. The jury is still out on that one.)

Thankfully this is NOT ME MONDAY and so I am NOT confessing any of the above, just simply weaving a sad tale of hypothetical patheticness.