We've been waiting for you...even if the nursery isn't quite finished.

I've been meaning to do this for a while. Ryan introduced me to this great website that makes slide shows out of your pics. These are some pics from the first month of Tobi's life. The song is one I heard a while ago. (If you want to watch the slide show I would recommend pausing the song player...it's painful to listen to both). I had to laugh listening to the lyrics because she specifically mentions several times something about taking home the baby and showing her her finished room. It's a good thing that Tobi won't know that we still don't have her room done. It's actually worked out quite well to keep her in our room. She sleeps so well and it means less travel for me in the mornings...so we really haven't felt the pressure to finish the nursery yet. The walls are painted, the furniture is assembled and she evens naps in her crib...but we still have several things to do before we can really say it is finished. Today would have been the day, but instead it was consumed with snow removal. Oh well, I don't think she feels any less loved or safe even though she is still without a finished room. We were waiting for her and we are so very glad she is here.

'Tis the Season

We put up our Christmas tree today and Tobi was a big help decorating this year...as you can see. After all she is getting pretty big these days. At her 4 month appointment (last week) she weighed 15.4 lbs (76th percentile) and measured 25 inches long (65th percentile). She has her older cousin Sadie out-sized already and Tobi is 3.5 weeks younger...so much for hand-me-downs!

Thanksgiving Weekend

From Hooksett to Deerfield to Concord MA to Billerica and back home...it's been a great weekend!  Lots of time with family and friends...lots of delicious food... and even some time to rest (kinda sorta?)  

Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad R-B's house. There is always so much amazing food there...and of course we came home with lots of leftovers.

Aj and Tobi 

Shay and Tobs

Tobi's first Thanksgiving wore her out!

 

Tobi and Sadie catch up on all the latest baby news.

All the Mangin & Bengtson kids + 1 Tobi and 1 Grandma :)

She's growing up...

I'm looking back at pictures from a couple months ago... and already Tobi has changed so much.  She'll be 4 months tomorrow.  Last year at this time I didn't know it, but I was already pregnant.  Perhaps hosting Thanksgiving for 17 people, painting our dining room and staying up until the early hours of the morning may not have been the best way to spend the first few weeks of pregnancy...but who knew?  Tobi's first thanksgiving (on the outside) will be at her Grandma and Grandpa R-B's house.  Mmmm...my mouth is watering just thinking of all the deliciousness.  Sorry baby, you'll have to wait until next year to get to taste the turkey!   

(Top picture - 1 month, bottom picture 3.5 months)

Happy Birthday Baby!

Tobi turned 3 on Monday...months that is. (Lots more pics on Flickr) It has been so much fun getting to know this little one. She had started showing her personality more and more. It will be fun to see how much of who she is now will stay with her as she grows. She has this raspy little voice when she oohs and aahs and she has a real baby doll sounding "wah wah". She loves to sleep (just like her mama). She is pretty cautious...anything new is met with a very worried stare and a furrowed brow. She loves to be held and she loves to snuggle...she is most apt to fall asleep in the arms of her mom or dad. This might spell trouble later on...but we really like it now :)

I caught the end of Oprah yesterday and saw this video that is on YouTube of a Dad reading a letter to his son who was born with Trisomy 18...a fatal condition. I can't tell you how fast I broke into tears watching it. Ben likes to make fun of my "crying chin". When I am trying to hold back tears apparently my chin does something that he finds quite entertaining. When I watched that video I totally bypassed the crying chin and went right to sobbing. I watched the whole clip on YouTube today (because apparently I thought I needed to cry some more). It was so evident that this couple was determined to enjoy every day of the 99 miraculous days that their son lived...and in the end praised God for his short little life. I just can't imagine. I kept looking at Tobi and I had to pick her up even though she was sleeping and just hold her tight. I have seen several friends in the last few years who have gone through this same or similar kind of loss...and I can't help but wonder "why???". But the reminder to me came clear... nothing is certain except for God's sovereignty and so I will do my best to cling to Him no matter the circumstances and I will do my best to celebrate every moment I have with this precious gift.

If you want to see this amazing video you can see it here...but I warn you, you will cry or at least get a painful lump in your throat. It reminded me to really think about what can I do today to love my baby and make this day count for eternity! Blessed is the one who gives and the one who takes...blessed be the name of the Lord.

7 Weeks

Tobi when she was a few days old

I was going to call this blog entry "1 month of motherhood"...but now it is actually 7 weeks, so that pretty much sums up my "month".  It is so hard to believe that 7 weeks have gone by.  Tobi has really changed in these last few weeks.  She is outgrowing her clothes, moving up in diaper sizes, and becoming more and more alert.  The school year has officially started and I am officially not there.  There are some aspects I miss...the students, my friends on staff, the fun events...but then there are parts I definitely don't miss...having to get ready at the crack of dawn and drive to work while trying to keep my eyes open, worrying about students following rules or paying attention or caring at all about their education or behavior, and the Sunday night "I have a stack of papers I never graded and need to before I head back to work" blues!  Taking care of Tobi is constant but there isn't the "things I still have to do" factor with her...it is just a very present job, we do things when they need to be done.  I look forward to our days together...(and hope for less interaction during the nights).  It is just amazing how captivating every facial movement can be...I can just watch her as she sleeps and be totally entertained!  It's crazy how much has changed in me even in a month, or two, of this grand thing we call "motherhood".

Tobi at 6 1/2 weeks

A day (or 2) at the beach

Finally! Some nice weather.  It seems crazy that it is mid August and this is only my 3rd trip to the beach.  Sunday- Ben, Tobi and I went to Plum Island.  We were here 2 months ago, but things have changed a bit since then..I'm a little smaller and we had to carry some extra items with us this time :)  

On Monday I went to Ogunquit with Mom and Dad and Ryan and Sarah and gang.  Just when I thought Tobi was looking bigger, Sadie had to remind her how really tiny she is.  What a beautiful day... this is how summer should be.  (To see more beach pics click HERE)

Tobi's first week at home!

It has been a full first week of life for Tobi.  All sorts of friends and relatives have been in town and have been so excited to meet her.  Saturday she went to her Uncle Jesse's wedding.  Sunday she went to church and then to her Grandma and Grandpa R-B's to see her great aunts and uncles and cousins and uncles and aunts and so on...who were in town for the wedding.  Then she got a chance to meet her great-grandma Bengtson (Mima) and her great aunt and uncle and cousin Josh who were here visiting all the way from Japan.  It was a great week to be born so everyone could meet her.

Tobi and (2nd) cousin Josh

Tobi and Mima

Tobi's first bath at home (it did get better :) )

Daddy time!

With Uncle Jesse at his wedding

The girls...Cousin Sadie (1 month and 5 days old) Cousin Kayla (2 yrs. old) Tobi (9 days old)

This shot says it all :)

Tobi's Second Day

It's been another exciting day...lots of visitors, and check ups, and lots and lots of sleeping!  

For pics of day 2 click HERE. 

Here She Is!

Introducing: Tobren Lyse Runnion-Bareford

Pronounced: Toe-bren Lee-seh Run-ning Bare-foot

Meaning: Tobren (Nickname - Tobi) "God is good" Lyse "God's promise", "God's perfection", "God's satisfaction"

Stats: 6 lbs. 1 oz., 19 inches long

I came across the name Tobren in a book quite a few years ago. The book wasn't any award-winning piece of literature. I'm pretty sure it contained dragons, dwarves, and wizards, and that most of the people who read it lived in their parents' basements, dressed as Star Wars characters, and didn't kiss girls until they were...well, never. It was a stage, OK?! I've filed the name away since then with the plan that if, in fact, I was blessed with a little girl, she would be named Tobren, with the nickname Toby. Yeah, in my mind her nickname was spelled that way -- more on that later. Anyway, when my niece Makayla was born, just over 2 years ago, I told Shauna the name that I hoped my (future) little girl would have. Well, OUR little girl...but at that time, Shauna and I had known each other a week or so -- no need to rush things. I already was pretty sure I was going to marry her, so I didn't want to freak her out too much by discussing our children...give that a month or two at least! As it turned out, Shauna was amenable to the name; however, she thought that Tobi as a spelling would be a bit more feminine. OK, I can see that. However, if Tobi ever starts dotting the "i" in her nickname by making a heart, I'm rescinding my acquiescence.

Her middle name, Lyse, was chosen for a few reasons. First, it's Swedish, and we thought that it would be neat to give her a name that reflects anscestry on both sides. Second, it has a great meaning. Third, we think it goes with Tobren, which was somewhat of a challenge in and of itself. Finally, we feel it holds a slight edge over Helga, Aslog, Gunilla, or Fredrika. The pronunciation was really the only sticking point, as technically it is Lee-seh, rather than the commonly heard Lee-sa (Lisa). We'll see how that goes...the poor girl already has to explain the rest of her name, as it is, so let's just make it the whole thing!

For more pics of her journey thus far click HERE.

This is why I don't gamble...

I had a few issues with my laptop...again!  So I brought it to the shop for repairs.  Now mind you, I have had this computer for almost 3 years now but I have had to have it repaired at least 4 times.  Thank goodness I invested in the 3 year warranty plan which has covered some major repairs.  The last 3 times I have opted to pay the $50 to have everything backed-up just in case they had to replace the hard drive and couldn't save the information on my computer.  I've never needed it before.  Well, this time I thought...this doesn't seem like as big of an issue as last time and the last two times they replaced the logic board and all of my information was untouched.  Well, when I picked up my computer this time my heart jumped into my throat as I turned it on to see that they had indeed replaced the hard drive and reinstalled the operating system.  I actually just closed the computer and waited for Ben to help me, hoping that there was some way that all of my info. could be on there just hiding and waiting for the magic way to come and find it.  But alas...it was gone.  

On a very positive note I had backed up my hard drive about a year ago and we were able to retrieve all my pictures and music that I had stores up to last August... but there are still things that I had on there from the last year that are irreplaceable.  It was one of those moments that I knew I had done something silly to save a few bucks... if I could just go back to that one moment where I checked "No back up" - and just realize the possibilities of what could happen and say "oh what's $50 anyway"?  

Thankfully I managed to find quite a few pictures from the last year on Flickr, saved on my camera and on this blog.  Here are a few pictures from July....

Fourth of July... Sadie (3 days old) & Kayla

Me...36 1/2 weeks along

This picture does not really show it...but these are some seriously puffy feet!

A trip to the beach....not many beach days this summer but

the weather was good enough this day for a trip to Ogunquit.

To see more pics click HERE

Sadie Mae!!!

Here she is...cousin Sadie. She arrived Tuesday at 6:08pm weighing 7lbs. 10oz. and measuring 21.5 inches.  She is beautiful, healthy and so far pretty happy. 

This can only mean one thing for us...it won't be long now.  

Sadie and Auntie! (and probably her cousin was kicking her)

Family of six: Nate 5, Andy 4, Kayla (2 weeks shy of) 2,  Sadie 1 day old

Ahh...summer!

Nothing says summer to me like the beach.  It's been pretty rainy here over the past week but we have made it out to the beach once a couple weekends ago.  This was baby's first (un)official beach trip.  Plum Island is a favorite place for Ben from childhood on... and now it's a favorite for me too.  We hope this girl loves the beach as much as we do. 

Yes, I'm hiding in this picture because the one I took before this made me look like a great white beached whale! (Sorry baby...hard to tell you were even there.)

School's out...

Partially cleaned out...

All cleaned!

My old job!

One last note from some of my students...

It's been a week since I was last at school.  It is strange to think that my job is really done.  At this point it doesn't really feel much different to me than any other year since I always have a break for the summer.  So far everything seems very routine, except for the cleaning out of my classroom.  I spent quite a few hours throwing, and sorting and resorting and throwing some more.  I think I did pretty well to get a classroom full of 13 years of teaching materials down to a few boxes (a carload of boxes - but still not too bad).  It was fun and a bit sad at the same time to go through old files and be reminded of the hundreds of students I've taught over the years.  I have really had some great times and fun memories in the two schools and many classrooms I have taught in.  

We're getting closer...

31 weeks

At our birthing class last night we realized that there are a lot of things we haven't thought about...that apparently a lot of other people have thought about already.  To binky or not to binky?  To vaccinate or not?  Who will we use for a pediatrician?  Some people due after us have their "bag" for the hospital packed already!!?  I don't know, maybe it's because I have been so focused on finishing out the school year and then maybe I'll have some time to think about these things...other things I guess you just figure out a long the way.  One thing we do know after last night's class is how to swaddle a preemie cabbage patch kid with a slightly concave head in a fleece blanket 6 times the size of the baby.  Some how I don't know how applicable that will be... but if we ever should need that particular skill, we're ready!

April showers bring...more May "showers"

We were so blessed last month by the generosity of our family and friends.  Apparently May was baby shower month!  

The first shower was thrown for us by the people I teach with at NCA.  This was definitely a surprise.  I walked into the "meeting" and apparently didn't notice that the counter was loaded with gifts, food and decorations.  Then people said "SURPRISE", and I thought "I'm the only one not saying surprise...hmmm...sooo...the surprise must be for me!"  How blessed I am to work with such wonderful, kind and generous people.  

The second shower was given by my mom, Ben's mom and my sister-in-law Sarah.  This one was not a surprise...but there were definitely surprises involved...friends that came from a distance and friends I hadn't seen in a while.  What a great time.  And once again we were the recipients of everyone's amazing generosity.  This baby already has been so blessed before she even officially arrives.  

Designed and sewn by Sarah

"Life is good!"

It's definitely a girl!

Ben's special gift... Daddy's Tool Belt...all the neccesities

 for diaper changing...YES, great idea Cari! 

Our daughter's first prom...

...and probably my last.  Last Friday night Ben and I went to the high school year-end dance.  We couldn't dance like I usually do since my ankles decided to swell in ways not conducive for standing never mind dancing (Ben was so disappointed...he just just loves to hit the dance floor whenever he can).  This is marking the beginning of the end for me. I have attended this event each of the 8 years I have been teaching at NCA.  Being there sent my mind thinking in several different directions...realizing the reality of the end of a 13 year teaching career (at least for now)....thinking about my own high school experiences and how long ago that seems now...and then mostly thinking that there will come a day when my own daughter will be the age of these girls, wondering who she will be.  What a daunting task parenting can seem at times...what responsibilty ...what a guessing game in many ways.  I guess that I'd be in big trouble if it really were up to me to control the destiny of this child.  I am so thankful that God already knows this child.  He who formed her knows every aspect of her life and everything she will be! 

"But now, this is what the LORD says— 

       he who created you, O Jacob, 

       he who formed you, O Israel: 

       "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; 

       I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

Isaiah 43:1

 

belly pics

February 18 (20 weeks)

April 13 (23.5 weeks)

Someone asked us today if we were taking daily pictures of my belly... umm, no.  We have tried to do monthly ones..but then again we didn't start until February, we missed March, but we did get April.  I finally feel like I am looking pregnant and not just wide!  

This month has been full of firsts... I felt the baby kicking and moving mid-March and then somewhere around the end of March Ben was able to feel her moving around.  I also popped out enough that strangers are feeling bold enough to comment on my pregnant state.  Some even offering their well intentioned advice.  Also I think being noticeably pregnant has made people feel quite comfortable enough to touch my belly... which is great and weird at the same time.  I love feeling my own belly when I feel her move, so I understand the intrigue to want to reach out and "touch" the baby, but for someone who has been self-conscious of her belly her whole life...it is still a little instinctive to want to pull away.  I'm getting more used to it now though...and enjoying this sort of induction into motherhood.  

So at 25 weeks, I'm feeling great and am pretty thankful for a mostly uncomplicated pregnancy so far.  As far as the test results we posted about last time, we have just decided to wait and see.  We briefly considered the option of doing an amniocentesis...but since the ultrasound didn't reveal any new concerns and after hearing so many cases of false positive blood test results, we didn't feel like there would be any real viable reason for doing the amnio.  We are just continuing to trust God for the development of this baby.... it's all in His hands anyway.  

And now a few thoughts from my baby daddy:

Speak for yourself, Baby Mama...at 25 weeks, I'm feeling bloated and gassy.  It's been exciting to feel her move...the baby, that is.  Those little elbow or foot pokes make you realize the three pregnancy tests you forced your wife to take may have been right (though they still don't prove anything).  When you first start tracking growth, the baby is compared to a grape, then a strawberry, then a plum, then a carrot...I've had enough thinking of my child as a fruit or vegetable...right now she is about as heavy as a package and a half of hot dogs.  I much prefer to compare her to a tube of mechanically separated chicken and pork.

(Ok...Thanks, Ben.)  How sweet...I know our daughter will really appreciate that her Dad thought of her as hotdogs.  Come to think of it, it is one of Ben's favorite foods...so I think it is his way of showing his love.  

Here She Is!

We had our ultrasound yesterday and found out that we have a baby girl on the way.  Here are her first pics:

We're not sure if she was smiling for her first photo shoot, but she was certainly looking right at the camera.

This one we call "alien baby".  

I wish I could say that we went in to this appointment with great joy and excitement...but at the end of last week I got a call that said that some test results came back and they had some concerns.  My blood work (quad screen) came back testing very high for a possibility of a Down syndrome.  I won't go into all the details, but it left us in a place I know many of you have been before, somewhere vacillating dramatically between trying to trust God and teetering on the verge of freaking out...several times a day.  It seemed like a very long but yet short week...I was so tired but at the same time I was wishing the appointment would never come if it meant we were going to get "bad news".  By the time the appointment came around, I was surprisingly  more at peace than a couple days before, resolved to take whatever God had planned, knowing beyond a doubt that this child is a gift from Him.  The funny thing is that we don't have any more real answers than when we went in...just more info. and statistics and numbers and probabilities...enough to make your head spin.  Everything looked fine on the ultrasound, but that is only a screen, it can't tell you everything.  They really couldn't say that meant that the test results were wrong, or that everything would be fine.  I just wanted to know for sure, just as every parent would, even without these kinds of reports.  It's funny how one event can make things you've heard said a thousand times mean so much more.  "Only God knows."  He not only knows, but he created this little one!  He is  literally knitting her together in my womb.  How can I not trust that he knows what is best for her and for us?  I feel more relieved knowing things look good so far...and I am glad to not feel tormented by this, but at the same time I found myself pleading with God 2 days ago...asking for a word...telling him how much I needed Him.  And here I am feeling better and yet not so desperate to trust Him.  How easily circumstances can make us feel more or less inclined to trust God.  I am a fool if I think I am not desperate without Him!

Familiar verse but how it has been echoing over and over in my head:

"TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding.  In ALL your ways ACKNOWLEDGE Him and will direct your paths."  Proverbs 3:5&6