Not Me Monday and Adventures in Eye Care

(Click on the Not Me! button to read other Not Me! posts)

Well...let me choose from among the many things that did NOT happen to me recently.

So, I definitely did NOT overestimate the number of things I could do in one morning. Tobi's followup appointment at the clinic, eye exam/new glasses, the gym, then home in time for lunch and nap. This WAS the plan.

When I arrived at the clinic and I took Tobi out of the car seat my arm quickly absorbed some moisture. (No, not what you're thinking.) I guess she didn't feel like finishing the bottle she was enjoying on the way to the appointment. It was tipped upside down in her chair, slowly leaking and pooling under her. She absorbed quite a bit of it herself, one side of her outfit was completely drenched. No problem. She had to get undressed for the appointment anyway.
The appointment went fine but I couldn't put her back in that milk soaked clothing...well maybe if I left off the long sleeve onesie I could salvage the rest of the one piece pants suit (which I had originally chosen for the ease of getting it off and on again). Much to my disgust I noticed at that moment for the first time that there were definitely NOT big gross looking stains all over the front and back of said onesie. I had washed it but apparently had not examined post washing. Hmmm...Gym daycare? Could I? No, it was just too yucky and damp on top of that. I was heading to the mall anyway to get my eyes checked (just in time I guess!). Just a quick stop at Old Navy and I could pick up a cheap change of clothes. (Why do I always have extra clothes when I don't need them and never when I do?)

As I took the corner leaving the Dunkin' Donuts drive thru (which I had to utilize due to the absolutely undrinkable coffee from the day before that I had tried to heat up and put in a non-spill proof travel mug) I certainly did NOT spill the "old" coffee (my life's theme) onto my pants...well, more accurately onto my seat which my pants quickly absorbed... I mean, did NOT absorb. I had already been pushing the limits of a public acceptability in appointment appropriate clothing, since my plan was to hit the gym on the way home. I tried my best to find clothing that would span the activities of the day...but the coffee stain down the back of my leg (starting at my lower back and heading toward the back of my knee) might have pushed me into another category...and then some.
No time to change. No extra clothing. No choice. Good thing I did NOT walk into the mall with coffee stained pants, head directly to the bathroom and do my best to wash up and then stand backside toward the hand dryer...desperately hoping to at least make the stain less obvious. And if "good enough" is your motto, then I guess it was successful.

Next stop, Old Navy. Good thing I did NOT spend 45 minutes (or more) there on my quick stop trying to find the cheapest acceptable clothing on the clearance rack...something worth buying...warm enough for a cool day...not too small...not too big...3 for $15...well she could wear it this summer...but not white...doesn't match...cheap but not cute. Good thing I did NOT get to the counter with 5 baby items and a shirt for me (especially when it was my pants that needed replacing). Oh...and it is a good thing the SAME sales guy did NOT pick up Tobi's shoe, burp cloth and sock at 3 different times at 3 different spots in the store and ask "Is this yours?". That would have been a little embarrassing.

On to LensCrafters. Oh my. Big stroller, little exam room, unhappy baby, stained sweatpants, buried snack...good thing this was NOT me. The preliminary eye exam (before the actual eye exam? No idea.) man actually said to Tobi, "You're being a good baby. Keep up the good work." Umm...Tobi did not listen. When we got to the actual eye exam room I did NOT empty out the entire contents of the under carriage storage to find a manageable snack, only find Cheerios, throw said Cheerios on the chest of my baby (who was still in the baby carrier in the stroller so ... no snack tray) as the Dr. came in. And I did NOT quickly shove everything back under the carriage and pop up and say a quick nervous "Hi" as if I had been caught rummaging through the office drawers. I also did NOT sit helpless as the eye Dr. offered to keep feeding (or putting more on Tobi's chest...just like Mom) handfuls of Cheerios to a whining, back arching, not interested in snacking baby, while I mumbled "It's okay. You're okay..." with my chin and head pressed into that head-vice eye machine thingy. It's also good that I did NOT prolong the exam by 1) continually confusing left and right and 2) darting my eyes over to Tobi, involuntarily, every time she squawked, instead of focusing on the little light (or little house, or earring, or WHATEVER...).

Finally out of the exam room I was cleared to pick out some new frames. I'm glad I had NOT been using a pair of glasses (which I recently lost anyway) with a 6 year old prescription. If I had I may have been slightly chided by the LensCrafters man, who thus would have encouraged me to get glasses as soon as yesterday. Good thing I did NOT have to continually walk around the store (size of a postage stamp) 18 times minimum every time Tobi would get restless. And after all that I certainly am glad I did NOT leave the store without any frames, only to come back 5 hours later so Ben could help me decide on a pair of frames, then return all of the clothes I bought at Old Navy since I totally did NOT miss the daycare hours at the gym and void the need for a change of clothes for Tobi after all.

Wow, that was just one day of things that did NOT happen to me last week. Imagine what the rest of my life is week was NOT like.